Then the Vegas trip became an annual experience. I only brought a little money and ended up bringing it back home. I wanted to attend a conference being held there and had just met someone who made all the travel arrangements. I did eventually to to Las Vegas several years later.
My mother always said, “We should go to Las Vegas! Aunt J and Uncle M go there every year and want us to join them. I went there on occasion with my family, but I never found it to be much fun. I grew up near a bingo hall, which eventually turned into a gambling resort. I am a 53 year old woman who never expected to be in this situation. I tried to call him…i just wish he would know what to say…how to stop this madness… I admire my father to my guts but I don’t want to end up like him. Of how lonely he is now, of how broke and helpless he must be. I think I suffer from a bunch of them.Īs I write this, I realize I’m being too rational, just like a good problem gambler.įact is today, after a 1000 euros melt down, I come home to my girlfriend and, even though she would like to understand, she doesn’t. I’m pretty sure that’s the case with me, even though I have never been diagnosed. I’ve gone through some harsh times during my teenage years, and have read that usually problem gambers have other associated psychological illnesses. My father on the other hand melted thousands of euros over the years. My mother worked her way up from a very poor background and takes every penny into consideration. All of my family’s problems are derivated from money. I don’t remember the first time I gambled nor the first time I got in contact with it but I do remember being a little boy and hearing my mom acuse my dad of gambling. Now, due to gambling, it came to the bottom. I’ve been like this all my life, grew up too fast and it had it’s good things. I’m 24 but the heaviness inside makes it feel like 60. So excuse any typos, incomplete sentences or grammatical errors. My feelings and thoughts are expressed unfiltered and unedited…they just flow and I can release them, honor them, and let them go. Journaling is one of the best tools I’ve found in recovery. It feels right to share this morning’s Journal Entry with you…it’s the best way I can express what I’m feeling today. It is my 25th “Birthday” in Gamblers Anonymous. And I haven’t had to place a bet or have a drink to live “life on life’s terms.” It keeps me in touch with the fact that recovery is attained one day at a time.
“Today So Far” is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given! It means I’ve learned a better way of life. And…I SAY IT at every meeting when asked what recovery milestone has been met. I hear this every time I participate in a 12-step meeting. JanuBea Aikens Blog, Stories, Voices of Recovery 2
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